BEDA = Fail

Well I was dreading coming back to this little spot after I miserably failed BEDA, but alas I cannot stay away. I made it a grand total of 8 days last month, which was about half of what I did last year. I blame it on the fact that no one else did BEDA (including Kristina and Hayley) and my busy August.

I'm currently waiting on my red velvet cupcakes to finish baking (which brings the grand total of Things That I Have Baked This Year to 2) and You've Got Mail is on in the background. I'm enjoying a vodka drink and by the time I finish this paragraph you'll be on your period too.

It's rainy and cold and perfect outside. I'm curled up on my bed after a long week at work and wanting to pour myself into this whole writing thing. In the past 3 weeks I've been to 3 poetry readings and I feel like it's been good for my soul.

I'm back from taking out my first batch of cupcakes from the oven and I forgot where I was going with that sappy poetry stuff. Even though I'm about a year and half into the "post-graduate" life I don't feel like I have it figured out quite just yet (does anyone?). Being a young professional is harder than I imagined. I'm discovering even though I love people I don't like people. Does that make sense? Does that make me reclusive? Have my parents done me a gigantic disservice by making ME the only child? Why can't I find a boyfriend?

I guess that last question is off topic but within the past six months I've talked to/gone on dates with/kissed more guys than I ever have before. It's interesting and fun but I'm getting a little bored. It's also exhausting, nerve-wracking, and all of these emotions wrapped up into sweaty palms and me re-applying my Chapstick wayyy more than necessary. Is it wrong to just want someone who knows me? I told this one guy on the first date that I was obsessed with Casey Anthony and I never heard from him again. Is there anyone out there that will love my in spite of my high profile trial obsession? Dating is so boring I don't want to do it (*spoken like Honey Boo Boo*)

What was I talking about? Red velvet? I don't get why everyone is such a downer about red velvet flavored things. Every time I say that I love red velvet people are like "OH RIGHT BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS RIGHT?" and I calmly state that yes I know that red velvet is just a variation on a lighter chocolate flavor but that doesn't make it any less tasty and magical and plus you get to eat cream cheese with it. Those are the same people that lose their shit over pumpkin flavored things. I don't get the world sometimes. 

I feel like tonight is the first real night of fall, even though I've been ushering it in with my $5 Wal-Mart DVD bin purchases (Practical Magic and Beetlejuice), the fact that I've already watched You've Got Mail 3 times, the Scentsy scents I've purchased and my investment into a crockpot that has yet to be unboxed. Fall feels so wonderful to me after a long hot crazy summer.


Okay I'm back from the second batch. I'm going to write a little bit more until it's time to frost and because apparently it's Real Talk tonight here on the blog. Sometimes I feel like I know exactly what I want to do in life but I just can't actually do it. I want to write but I feel like I never make the time for it. I wish that I could be a full time MFA student and not have to worry about money or work or anything but just to write in a little cabin. Then I realize that if I didn't have to worry about anything I wouldn't have anything to write about. I guess it all comes full circle.

I think I've rambled enough tonight. I want to pay more attention to this blog so that's my new plan. Along with jam. Jam is the plan.

Mal xoxo