Lifer.

As of late I've been in kind of a reflective and writing mood. I want to make sure I'm documenting the things I'm feeling and learning now so that I can see what was going on in my life a year from now. I've never been a consistent journaler but I think it's important to see where I'm coming from and where I'm going.

I've been kind of going through a weird time career wise. Lately I've been hit with lots of opinions and stories and opportunities and I'm really confused on what I want to do with my life. Don't get me wrong-- I love my job and I plan on staying there for a long time but there's a tiny little Malory on my shoulder chanting....

"Lifer. Lifer. Lifer."

There's a certain culture in the town that I live in. It's not a big place, but there's a large university (where I work doing marketing related things and I also went to school) and a considerable sized population and economy. A lot of the students that went to school at said university try to get a job there. It's pretty difficult (as I've seen on my end) because of the great benefits and the comfort of being somewhere where you know the culture. There are also a few "legends" and staff members that have been around the town FOREVER.

I know it's crazy to worry about - but I'm wondering if that's what I'm going to become. Some days I feel like I could live here forever and some days its so suffocating that I would do anything to move to a blue state. Every day I change my mind. Some days I have small-town political aspirations and sometimes I would love to move somewhere far away and become an English teacher.

That's the frustrating part. I'm only 22. I have NO IDEA what my life is going to hold. I just have to sit back and trust the process and the universe and God or whoever is out there that's controlling my destiny. Sometimes it's hard because I get the overwhelming feeling that this is it. I don't mind it -- but is there something more?

Am I starting to sound like Beauty and the Beast?

Someone once told me that your twenties were the worst years because  you're in such amazing shape, you have so much energy and drive but you spend all your time worrying what you're going to become. I'm just so confused on who I am as a person (stay tuned for people that get married young) and how am I supposed to figure that out?

I guess this is just the time in my life I'm meant to feel this way. I should really revel in it and accept it for what it's worth, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Mal xoxo