Can you all believe it's already Day 19? I can't. My bank account, however, can.
Today at work Val and I took a moment (somewhat in protest) to shut the office down, walk across campus, drink smoothies and watch Student Affairs professionals get wet in the dunk tank. We then finished our break from the office to walk the labyrinth on campus.
(If you've never walked a labyrinth may I highly recommend it. I've had the opportunity twice before, once at a UCO Leadership Retreat where the lights were dim and candles lit the room. It was a time of reflection and introspection, and even though my thoughts were consumed with vain and shallow thoughts, most 19-year-old college student's are. The second time was at my Grandfather's memorial. My aunt and uncle live in the untouched woods of Northern California, right next to a river, my uncle had built a giant labyrinth and it took him almost 2 years to assemble all the river rocks in the right order. After we had spread my Papa's ashes we all walked the labyrinth in the hot hot sun and made our way back up to the house silently.)
When I was running the 9 miles around Lake Hefner on Sunday, I looked up to take in the scenery of the water. The wind was blowing, hard, as expected and made the water look so choppy and rough and it was easy to compare to the state of my own life. It's not calm waters, for sure. Even though I'm staying put, everyone around me is moving, changing. Friendships are shifting, new ones are forming. Personalities are morphing and it's such a season of change. Suddenly I'm having to deal with friends that are sick, and the realization I don't always get what I want and what I think I deserve. Is it going to be easier for everyone moving back in with their parents? Rent free, responsibility free? What about my friends that depend on their spouses to take care of an oil change or their taxes? I put myself out there for the musical audition and I'm 95% sure I didn't make it. I feel like this winter was so smooth and calm and the minute I look up we've hit rough waters.
I've dealt with this in a number of ways this week, getting drunk, eating the world, not running, throwing a fit over $135 sunglasses (when in actuality I just ordered the knockoffs on eBay for $8.00), and writing 2-sentence blogs.
This week is the most time I've taken off running and I have mixed feelings about it. Yesterday I was feeling very discouraged and felt like I gained back the 30 pounds I've lost. But I checked my mail, and a sweet friend had sent me a book on training for a marathon. It's amazing how God's provision and timing play into my everyday life. I feel like it was his hand on my back, saying "It's going to be okay. I have big plans for you." Is it greedy to claim a lifetime of moments like that?
It's hard to write today without thinking of the bombing of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in 1995. That one day changed the course of this city, the history of the people living here, the future of many and the pulse, the beat of this state. I was not an Oklahoman when the bombing happened, but I remember watching it on TV. In January of 1996, while the city was still healing, my family and I relocated to Oklahoma City. While I was not here when the tragedy happened, it's safe to say we all felt the repercussions. As I reflect on it today, I wonder where I fit in.
I was at a friends house this weekend, and somehow BEDA came up. I explained to everyone that it was my second year doing Blog Every Day in April and whenever I write a post, I go back and see where I was a year ago today. But somehow I came across my only post in May 2011, where I recapped walking the OKC Memorial 5k the day before.
"Back to the race -- it was one of the most miserable days of the year. It was freezing cold, the wind was blowing, and it was raining - hard. But the thing about it was everyone showed up. There were over 25,000 people running the marathon, the half, and the 5k and there was even more people cheering everyone on that was running. That's something that's really humbling and wonderful about Oklahomans, I felt like complaining about walking 3 miles, when the person to the left of me was giving out gatorade and pretzels for the next 3 hours. I always say I want to do the half marathon next year - and I think I really want to this time."
So I told them - It's so insane to me that yes, I am doing the Memorial Half this year. Today, as I pursued the race course and information on the website, I thought about the last 3 months. I've been so precise with my training, and until this week I never missed a training run. I ran 9 MILES on Sunday. I would have never thought that I could do that ever in my entire life.
So as I was walking the labyrinth this afternoon, all of these thoughts were swimming in my head. I paused in the middle, took my shoes off and walked the rest of the way barefoot. I feel like that is a lesson in how I need to live my life - open to change and failure and success and God's plan for me.
Mal xoxo
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